Families for HoPE, Inc.

The Child of HoPE for January 2008 is Hannah Lynn Smith, daughter of Ben and Karen Smith of Morganton, North Carolina.

Written by Karen Smith

I met my husband in 1997, and we wed in 1998 with dreams of starting a family.  We had been informed by doctors that we could never have children naturally, but God answered our prayers and blessed us with our first daughter, Samantha, born in August 2000.  Samantha arrived prematurely at 24 weeks gestation, and today, is quite a miracle at 7 years of age.

When Samantha turned 3 years old, we decided to try again, and sure enough in May of 2004 I found out I was pregnant. I remember the day I went to the doctor for a pregnancy test. From the moment the nurse told me I was pregnant I told myself, “Don’t get attached.  Something could happen.”

Although I needed to have my cervix stitched shut to prevent an early delivery, I had a wonderful pregnancy. My ultrasound went well showing us that we were having another girl.  I was so excited, but still I tried my best not to get attached. Other people would ask me if I was excited, and I would shrug my shoulders as to not to let them see my joy.  I was given a baby shower in December, and I had so many dreams for bringing my baby home.

On January 24, 2005, our second daughter, Hannah, was born full-term at 39 weeks and 2 days.  Because January 24 is also the birthday of my father-in-law, he had told me that, “Tomorrow is your big day” when we saw him on January 23.  Although he grinned at me, I just shrugged my shoulders once again, but sure enough, Hannah was born on his birthday just as he had predicted.

When the doctor broke my water, I believe she realized then that something was wrong due to extra fluid.  I had a difficult time delivering Hannah as her head was small but solid.  At 9:14pm, Hannah was born, and right away a nurse began working to help her breathe. I was in so much pain that my doctor gave me some medication, and it knocked me out for a while.  When I awoke, my husband was at my side along with the neonatal doctor.  The doctor was trying to explain what he thought was wrong, ad he said Hannah had only a certain percentage of a brain.  He wanted to send her to a bigger hospital in Charlotte or Asheville.  We choose Charlotte because we could stay with my father who was the relative closest to Charlotte. While the hospital was waiting for the transport team to come from Charlotte, they allowed my family and me into the nursery where I was able to hold Hannah for the first time. By lunchtime the next day, I had talked my doctor into discharging me, but they would only let me go if I laid down in the backseat of the car on the way to Charlotte.

When we got to the hospital that evening, my husband and I were given the news of Hannah’s condition. We were told that she had semi-lobar holoprosencephaly, and she would most likely not live two weeks. This was crushing; it was a nightmare.  We gathered our family in a hospital conference room, and I asked the doctor to explain the situation to my entire family. 

The next day, I awoke to a phone call from the doctor telling us to come right away--they thought Hannah would not make in through the day. That day family came, and everyone got to see her and hold her. The hospital even broke their rules and allowed our request that Samantha (then 4 years old) to see Hannah. I’ll never forget Samantha’s reaction to seeing her sister. Samantha’s eyes lit up and she said “Oh Mommy, she is so beautiful.” My cousin, through marriage, is a pastor and he came into room with us and prayed. I have prayed many times and felt nothing, but this time was different.  I can honestly say I felt the presence of God in that room with us.

After that day, Hannah started doing better, and they started making arrangements for her to come home. But on Hannah’s 11^th day, we were told that Hannah would not make it. I woke up from a restless night of sleep and called the hospital to check on Hannah at 7:45 am on February 5.  I was told that she was doing fine, but it was not a minute later until the nurse called back.  She told us to come quickly because Hannah was dying.  We headed for the car, but by the time we got to the car, the nurse called again to tell us that Hannah had passed away. We went to see Hannah one more time, and I held her in my arms while the doctor pronounced her dead. After that I just could not take it, and I had to leave.

Hannah was born on earth on Monday, January 24, 2005 at 9:14 pm and was born in Heaven on Saturday, February 5, 2005 at 7:47 am. We had a graveside service on Monday, February 7, 2005. I’ll never forget every day with Hannah, her service, and the comments good and bad made to me about Hannah and her passing.

Hannah had genetic testing as well as we did, and it was determined that Hannah’s holoprosencephaly was an “out of the blue occurrence”.  I swore I would never have another baby, but while visiting Hannah's grave one day, I kept feeling a message of to have “faith and hope” and the everything would be okay.  As a result, our decision changed about another baby. One thing I did not realize that day was that the message of “faith and hope” would have a bigger meaning than I first thought.

We have gone on to have another baby. Tyler is 13 months old and was born early like his sister Samantha, but for different causes. If you know anything about micro-preemies and the NICU, then you know where meaning of “faith and hope” comes into play.

Something I don’t think people realize is that Tyler has NOT replaced Hannah nor has he taken away my heartache. Instead, he has brought some joy to our lives again. I feel that is what Hannah wanted for us, and that is why she left me with the feelings of “faith and hope” for trying again that day at her grave site.

I have gone though so much with my grief. I have been mad, sad, and felt at peace--just to have it all come full circle again and again. Today, I want to help others that are traveling my same road, but I feel I too could use the comfort of others who have also traveled my road. On this my daughter's third birthday, I would like to say I am thankful for all the support I have received from family, friends, co-workers, strangers, and especially the HPE support groups on-line.

Happy Birthday, my sweet little Hannah!

Families for HoPE is pleased to honor Hannah's memory and extends its deepest sympathy and love to her family.

God sent to me an angel, it had a broken wing.
I bent my head and wondered,
“How could God do such a thing?”
When I asked the Father why
He sent this child to me,
The answer was forthcoming,
He said “Listen and you’ll see.”
“My children are all precious, and none is like
 the rest.  Each one to me is special, and
the least is as the best.
I send each one from Heaven and
I place it in the care of those who know my
 mercy, those with love to spare,
Sometimes I take them back again.
Sometimes I let them stay.
No matter what may happen
I am never far away.
So if you find an angel and you
don’t know what to do, remember,
I am with you, love is all I ask of you.”